Weird legalese

As part of an experiment, Purple (a WiFi hotspot provider) added the following to their terms and conditions, to which over 22,000 people agreed:

The user may be required, at Purple’s discretion, to carry out 1,000 hours of community service. This may include the following:

• Cleansing local parks of animal waste
• Providing hugs to stray cats and dogs
• Manually relieving sewer blockages
• Cleaning portable lavatories at local festivals and events
• Painting snail shells to brighten up their existence
• Scraping chewing gum off the streets

From the Starcraft II AI and machine learning license:

Legal entities other than natural persons are authorized to use the Software.

From the BugMeNot terms of use:

You agree never to access any form of networked device while not wearing happy pants.

Forwarded by Marie Farge, in the Copyright Transfer Form of the Journal of Plasma Physics, by Cambridge University Press. This is a scientific journal publishing research articles. The emphasis is mine.

I/we warrant that I am/we are the sole owner or co-owners of the contribution and have full power to make this agreement, and that the contribution has not been previously published, contains nothing that is in any way an infringement of any existing copyright or licence, or duty of confidentiality, or duty to respect privacy, or any other right of any person or party whatsoever and contains nothing libellous or unlawful; and that all statements purporting to be facts are true and that any recipe, formula, instruction or equivalent published in the Journal will not, if followed accurately, cause any injury or damage to the user.

This website and all of its intellectual property is the sole property of Winestock Webdesign, LLC. Any person (hereinafter, The Buttmonkey) using this intellectual property without the express permission of Winestock Webdesign (hereinafter, The Company) shall, by that fact, forfeit to The Company all of his property and goods as well as the property and goods of his colleagues, loved ones, pets, and anyone he has ever met.

From the Most Closed-Source License Evar, version 1

From the Terms and Conditions of the Google Code Jam 2012 Contest, about selection to the Onsite Final Round which takes place in Google's offices in NYC:

By accepting the travel to the Onsite Final Round, contestants represent and warrant that they understand that travel, whether in civilized or remote areas and whether by plane, automobile, boat, raft, or other conveyance, or by foot, on land or water, and in the air, contains some inherent element of risk of accident, illness, injury, loss or death, which may be caused by negligence, forces of nature, wild animals or other agencies, known or unknown.

From a CASIO license document which was inside a "media package":

This is the License Agreement that you have already read and agreed to when you opened this media package. Please read it for reconfirmation.

(In fact, this is related to the notion of shrink wrap contract.)

From the Online.net terms of conditions. (Online.net is an Internet hosting provider.)

ONLINE fera son maximum pour atteindre une durée maximale d'indisponibilité de l'Accès Internet.

Translated to English:

ONLINE will do its best to reach a maximal indisponibility duration of the Internet Access.

Thanks to Robin for finding this one and telling me about it.

Information protectionists and other corporate fascist try to sell us software, goods or services under the terms of shrinkwrap licences they unilaterally define, and that they claim to bind you by your merely opening the package. Well, as a reply to such juridic abuse, I hereby introduce a solution to all these problems. Indeed, I have no less right than these fascists to impose unilateral terms that apply to people who want to do business with me. So I hereby solemnly declare that anyone who undertakes to have any business whatsoever with me is bound by the terms of following contract, therefrom known as the end-seller license.

From the End-seller license.

From the Official Rules to EFF's Defcon 18 Getaway Contest (emphasis mine):

By participating in the Contest, you agree to release EFF and its employees, directors, officers, fellows, interns, staff dogs, and agents from any and all liability, claims or actions of any kind whatsoever for injuries, damages or losses to persons and property which may be sustained in connection with the receipt, ownership, possession, use, or misuse of any prize.

Also from the same source:

By participating in this Contest, you acknowledge and agree that Han shot first.